i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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