i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
