so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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