i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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