your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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