my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
