After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
