My friends, they love my intelligence
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
