Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
