i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So much Jack, so little girl.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
