Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
