Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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