Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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