time to smoke my breakfast
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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