I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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