Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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