my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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