I smell stomach acid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
