I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
