Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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