So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize