I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
