my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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