Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
