five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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