it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
