meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
