Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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