just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
