Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
