remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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