how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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