How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
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do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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