is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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