I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
