Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
