so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sober January is a disaster.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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