Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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