from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
