Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
