That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
