So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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