Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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