I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
