my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
