Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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