Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
