My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
