I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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