Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
