Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
