yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you had me at cake vodka
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
