please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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