this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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