it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
