dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dick very happy bro
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
