I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
