our cab driver is having phone sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
