You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
