Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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