i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
