You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
