just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
