Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
