I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
