You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
