Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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