you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
