i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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