If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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