I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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