Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
