So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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